Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
