I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
