One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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