Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
