The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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