mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
