no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
