Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
