you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I see more hoeing in ur future
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