Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize