How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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