I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
