ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
