My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
