chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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