my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
