There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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