I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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