New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We got so high we made milksteak
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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