Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
