3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
