I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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