I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
