I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
