i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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