dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
