I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
