VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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