who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
