Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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