Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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