I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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