I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
