I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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