i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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