i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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