Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize