Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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