I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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