Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
