He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
