Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
