my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
