Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
