Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
