i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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