my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
