oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
