On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need water and some morals
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
