he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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