Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I sprained my soul last night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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