this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
