He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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