i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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