I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
