Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
