repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
