Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
