Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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